Understanding the Development of Self-Doubt, Fear, and Playing it Small: A Personal Exploration

The following is a conversation that occurred between Anayaya and the guides. The conversation occurred following the channeled message about fear and the conversation with her personal fear. The information is provided as an example of what a conversation of this nature, moving within the self to find understanding and create healing, can look like. It is provided so that it may be used as a template, changing the topic to fit your personal situation. As with each of the other posts, Anayaya began by first grounding, centering herself, and consciously connecting with the Divine. She then asks for guidance and opens to receive.


A: Where did I learn fear, self-doubt, and to play it small?


After asking the question, Anayaya had a childhood memory come to her. In the memory, she, her older sister, and several neighborhood children had gone into an abandoned house near where they lived. The older children said that they were going to hold a séance. Anayaya remembered feeling frightened but also excited. The children held hands and Anayaya's sister led them in what to do. Anayaya's sister then told the other children that lights had appeared and were floating around the room, and asked the children if they could see them. The others said that they could, however, Anayaya wasn't certain.


You took those to heart. Each of those occurrences taught to deny your truth, your account of reality, and to deny it, saying "It never happened", or to remain sealed in silence, "It is unspeakable"

A: What is the connection between self-doubt, fear, playing it small, and the memory of this occurrence?


Guides: "You were uncertain about what you saw, or were told you saw by the older girls. Did it happen or was it make-believe? That was the birth of self-doubt. Older kids that you looked up to said one thing, you experienced something quite different."


A: The next memory that comes is of a walk in the woods with mom. I was around 5 - 7 yrs old. Turning a curve in the path we saw a small, unique-looking man resting under a tree, and mom spoke with him. Then, after the walk, we visited the neighbors and I told them about seeing the man and mom speaking with him. My mom interrupted me and said that it hadn't happened, that it had been my imagination. I remember looking at her with surprise and confusion. How did this affect me? Is it also a start of self-doubt and playing it small?


Guides: Yes, indeed. The shock of it surprised you. Again, a leader that you looked up to, an authority figure, denounced something you knew to be true. This was within a time frame not too far distant from the occurrence with your sister. While one stated that something had occurred that you did not notice, the other stated that what you knew to be true was not real.


This piggybacks to other occurrences. There was also taught to not speak of the abuse that took place at home - again, a denial of what you knew to be real and accurately occurring. The occasion with Thanksgiving winter weather and the slight accident which your mother stated to never reveal to others. You took those to heart. Each of those occurrences taught to deny your truth, your account of reality, and to deny it, saying, "It never happened", or to remain sealed in silence, "It is unspeakable", "Don't ever tell anyone"


These were coupled with the church and biblical teachings and in your preteen - teen years realizing you had a gift. Speaking with your mother about them and being shamed, spoken to from fear, and told that your 'knowings' and abilities were from the devil, told the devil would trick you into believing they were gifts from God.


A: Please explain, how did I apply this message in a subconscious / conscious way that it has caused me to fear publicly being a channel, writer, teacher, and creative?


Guides: For this, we must go deep. Relax and meditate so that you are more open to our reply. We will speak once you are ready, you will feel and hear the message at that time."


Anayaya breathed, grounded, and visualized taking fear's hand and raising her and her fear's frequency to the Divine frequency.


Guides: "You are there. You are in the room and you are told these events were not true - that your realizations were not factual. You took that into your psyche and held it as a point of reference. Along came another event of similar enough circumstances and the same thing happened, what you knew as true was denounced and later vilified. Your emotional self, already weakened and overtly aware due to the years of abuse, took it on personally. It caused you to second guess yourself, to fear, to fear and worry about rejection and ridicule by others, by superior beings; mother, leaders, those you place as being above yourself in knowledge and knowing,"


A: How do I free myself from doing this?


Guides: "You already are working on it. Continue investigating, opening, meditating, channeling, writing, loving. Open your heart wide with love. Fill your body and mind with its essence! Shine, just go forward and continue to shine. Listen to your guidance and take the steps that are instructed, have fun too, play and laugh, and enjoy the return to open acceptance.


We previously stated that you are a bridge. It means that you are amply able to connect - to bridge - the journey, the experience, of the trauma and difficulty in living with the beauty of conscious reconnection and experience of Oneness with your spiritual self, with God, with and as life itself as love."


A: Thank you. Is there more that I need to know, do, or be aware of at this time?


Guides: "It will unfold for you. Your main focal point is to be and remain open - to love, to high vibrational frequencies, to daily, and throughout the day, connect consciously with love Source, to open, open, open yourself."


A: Thank you so very much.



A Note from Anayaya

Restoring Wholeness: Past and Present


It is possible to heal the past in such a way that it ripples out and transforms the present moment and the future. Healing is simply a return to the conscious realization, and acceptance, of the wholeness that is ever-present in us. To do this, we must first proceed with meditation (calming/relaxing and opening our self), desire, and genuine intention. Moving into the memory, as seen in the above example, we can then state that we are free and claim it as such by holding the vibration of the memory in your heart, mind, and intention. By stating the intention, such as "I am free. I call on Divine light and remember and claim my wholeness here and in all time." There are a number of ways that it can be worded. What is important, in order for the transformation to take effect, is that you own the transformation and recognize that you are calling in Divine Love, and are quite literally raising and increasing the frequency of the original experience to the vibration of Divine Love.